Insanity prevails as NAACP lash out at three Democratic no-shows
Metro World News - 07/15/03

MIAMI BEACH -- Three of the nine Democratic presidential contenders drew the wrath of the NAACP leadership on Monday for skipping the group's candidate forum, reflecting a growing concern among Blacks that their long time civil rights organization is becoming more and more irrelevant.

The six Democratic presidential hopefuls shared the stage with four empty chairs, each labeled with the name of a White House candidate who didn't make it. President Bush’s name was posted on one of the chairs. However his absence was later excused. “George W. Bush is the most evil man in the World and out of concern for the audience’s safety, we gave the President a pass,” said NAACP grand dragon, Kweisi Mfume.

While Bush's absence wasn't a surprise, the group's leaders were outraged at the Democratic no-shows.

“It’s obvious they don’t like Black people anymore!'' Mfume said of the Democrats who passed on this event. “They’re a bunch of (censored) losers and I hate every one of them!”

During Monday's forum, Democratic Senator from West Virginia Robert Byrd, a well-known Ku Klux Klan member, rose to speak on behalf of the three missing candidates. However, thirty seconds into his rant Byrd’s upper dental prosthetic fell from is jaw into a tall glass of grape Kool-Aid and Thunderbird which was about to be consumed Congresswoman Barbara Lee.

Lee, in all her grace and dignity, retrieved the dentures, licked them dry and politely handed them back to the Senator.

The Rev. Sharpton, aggravated by Senator Byrd’s remarks, reached into a pitcher of water, removed an ice cube and threw it at the Senator. Robert Byrd was struck and fell to the floor.

At this point, NAACP Chairman and Grand Wizard, Julian Bond, hoping to prevent a replay of the disastrous Jessie Jackson event stepped forward to ease the tension and lighten the mood. Mr. Bond grabbed a microphone and placing it inches away from his bare buttocks spent the next three and a half minutes breaking wind to the tune of “Sweet Home Alabama"